A doctor was arrested last night for curing six of his patients. Dr John Hardcastle was taken in to custody after four men and two women were found preserved in salt in the basement of his four bedroom detached house on Mountjoy Road, Leston.
Police are coming under criticism for not following up quickly enough after the victims were reported missing. The grim discovery was finally made at Dr Hardcastle’s home after neighbours reported a delicious savoury aroma coming from the residence.
In other news:
Drunken electrician charged with criminal negligence
Self-employed electrician Neil Pollock has been charged with criminal negligence after installing a fuse box at the home
of pensioners Fred and Jill Grey of Linton Road, Folylake, while absolutely rat arsed on cheap cider and vodka.
Pollock was routinely questioned by police after the incompetently fitted fuse box caught fire in the middle of the night and the Greys had to flee the property, narrowly escaping with their lives. It was during the interview that the boozy tradesman admitted to being completely sloshed at the time.
‘I’d been watching this documentary on Sky Arts about Samuel Taylor Coleridge,’ Pollock explained to officers. ‘It was all about how he wrote loads of his poems while he was off his head on opium and everyone thinks that they’re masterpieces, especially that Genghis Khan one. People are always going on about how the Beatles’ work was better when they were on acid too.
‘I thought I might as well have a go at doing some of my work while I was wasted and see if it improved things. I’m pretty sh*t at this electrician lark if the truth be told. So, I drank six litres of Frosty Jack’s cider and half a bottle of vodka before I went to put in the fuse box at Linton Road. Didn’t really work out as I’d hoped.’
Magistrates bailed Pollock on condition that he doesn’t mix his drinks again.