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Wickle Drug Baron celebrates promotion to Drug Lord

Shipment of cocaine bricks confiscated by the ...

Nice!

Wickle based Drug Baron Mick McManus, 33, told reporters he was ‘chuffed to bits,’ last night after receiving confirmation from The Palace that he is to be promoted to the title of Drug Lord in this year’s ‘Serious Organised Crime Honours List.’

McManus’ father Steve paid tribute to his son today: ‘Our Michael’s always been the entrepreneurial type. Even as a schoolboy he was into making himself a bit of extra pocket money.  He used to buy a big blotter of acid from dealers on the estate and then sell it off in individual tabs to the other kids at school. Always into something, he was.’

From humble beginnings selling LSD to other children at school, McManus continued his narcotics career to his early twenties by selling cannabis and cocaine to revellers in the pubs of clubs of Wickle and its surrounding towns.  But things really began to take off for him after joining up with other local dealers and forcing prostitutes and drug addicts to cultivate cannabis farms in their flats and houses.

McManus earned his title of Drug Baron at the age of 29- the youngest person ever to achieve the accolade- when he sarted selling heroin in wholesale quantities to villains in areas as far away as Glasgow and Brighton. Not content with earning his first million and taking up residence in a seven bedroom mansion in the opulent suburb of Faldy, McManus expanded his empire even further by setting up a coach touring company and using it as a front to traffic huge quantities of cocaine, ecstasy and amphetamine in from the continent.  Now, at the relatively young age of 33, he is one of the most prominent figures in the county’s drug trade.

Government spokesman Jonty Crowther said this of appointment: ‘I would like to offer my wholehearted congratulations to Mr McManus on his achievement.  It was always going to be controversial when we began offering honours to violent criminals; some said it was irresponsible. But hey, whatever. It’s a laugh innit. Pisses them right off at the Home Office. Pompous tw*tts.’

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