Council to consider reversing blanket ban on blanket bans

Get that off!

Councillors will vote tomorrow on proposals to repeal legislation imposing a blanket ban on blanket bans in Wickle.

The blanket ban banned blankets from being worn in public and was designed to discourage vagrants from blocking doorways.  It gave police and other enforcement officers powers to administer moderate correctional beatings to offenders.

Initially, the policy proved to be a success and the amount of rough sleepers decreased for the first time since ‘Wickle Young Entrepreneur of the Year 2010’  Mike Jones,  15, sold anti-freeze and Kia-Ora cocktails from a pop-up stall on Cribly Plaza.  Unfortunately, controversy followed in the wake of a charity fun run that ended in chaos when 28 competitors were hospitalised by police for wrapping themselves in foil blankets at the end of the race.

Following the fun run debacle, officials declared a blanket ban on all blanket bans in the borough.

SNP councillor Kerry Wait said today: ‘The blanket ban on blanket bans was a badly thought through, knee-jerk reaction to what was a rather unfortunate event.  However, I believe that more considered legislation could make a targeted blanket ban completely workable.  Plus, while the ban was on, I hadn’t been asked to buy a copy of the “Big Issue” for months.’ When asked why a member of the Scottish National Party was a councillor in a small provincial area of North West England, Ms Wait told reporters to ‘mind their own f*cking business.’

In contrast, furious Tory councillor Brian Seacress blasted the proposals:  ‘I’m not saying we shouldn’t find a way to get panhandlers off the streets, but to restrict the freedom of honest, hard-working Wickleites from wearing a blanket in public if they see fit is patently ridiculous.  I, for one, have no confidence in the proposals and will be making my own proposal for a vote of no confidence in last week’s vote of no confidence in the current administration.’